oops, i did it again.

i derieve a wicked sense of satisfaction when i reject the men in my life.
watching grown men whimper n grovel at my feet brings me utmost jubilation.
seeing them at their weakest gives me an adrenaline rush.

as power n control surges through my veins,
my laughter sounds, malicious.

i love the way i can wreck their lives with just wrds,
and continue playing jenga or bridge with the pals w/o feeling any form of remorse.

i'm amazed at how i'm capable of tearing apart their self-confidence,
trample on their ego,
spit in their faces,
n still hv them begging me to return.

i dun like the joy i hv become.
so superficial, so bitter, so cruel..

just as i tot the tables hv turned in my favour,
n the winds of change is blowing my way,
i got to go on to lose something else in tis brutal game of reality.

xueqin, i dunno if u'll read tis anytime soon. but i'm so so so so sorry..
pls dun give up on me.
not yet. not now.

you were my never-ending pillar of support. the one i look towards to smile, n more so, the one i look for when i cry. i guess it muz hv been hard on u to be ever-present despite ur busy schedule.. to be always here to shoulder my burdens as well as help me pass time. u said i did the same thing for u, but both u n me noe tt it has always been me relying on u - something like a substitute bf. i noe i pushed my boundaries too far.. like the typical joy, i hv the uncanny ability to shoo away ppl who r dearest to me.

tiffany once said, "There comes a time in your life when you realize who will always matter, who does matter and who never did matter. So don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."

ur not like the other guys i make use of just to relieve certain emotions within me n relish in the attention they can offer. ur someone i wanna keep close to heart n someone who will always matter whatever the circumstances may be. its ironic tt though i wan u to be happy, i end up being the one tt hurt u.

i really do cherish u.
n i'll always be here whenever u need a listening ear, a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. hugs can alleviate the greatest pain.. i promise you, i wun be a fair-weather fren. n tis is a promise i fully intend to keep. *hugs*

thanks for everything u hv done. u made me happy when i least tot i cld be.. i wan us to stay frens forever. tis means alot bcoz 'forever' hv nv existed to me, esp aft recent events.. but for once, i wanna prove tt it is possible. keep smiling with me yeah?

when you say you loved me, were those just words?